One of the Hardest Decisions Ever

Daycare.

I haven't blogged about it because I was so all over the place with how I felt about it and I didn't want to ramble or have to even put it in writing.  But we have decided to put Rudy in day care one day a week.

Positives:

• Rudy LOVES other kids and he will get lots of interaction with others.  Not to mention, he is very used to getting what he wants whenever he wants.  It will be nice for him to learn some social skills like sharing and not throwing a tantrum every 5 minutes. 
• Rudy could use some help with his attachment problems
• New stuff/toys/songs/etc -- Let's face it, I have not been the most creative when it comes to entertaining Rudy these days and he could probably use a mix-up and both of us will learn some new games/songs/activities/etc for at home (his music class should also help with that!)
• Immunities -- he'll be sure to get sick (tear), but better now than missing school (right??)
• Help with naps -- Maybe Rudy will actually learn to fall asleep on his own laying down.  Wouldn't it be great if he just curled up on the couch and fell asleep?  The day John and I went to check out the day care, all of the kids in "his room" were sound asleep on cots next to each other.  We thought, "There's NO way you are getting Rudy to do that."  Everyone we have expressed this concern to said that was common for us to think that, but that we'd be surprised what they will do.  So we'll see.
• Schedule flexibility.  LeeAnn will still watch Rudy one day a week, too, but if she has something come up on a certain day or is leaving for Iowa for a long weekend, we have another option for Rudy.  Also, John has a "free" day that he can finish up work on our house, or at a later time, work other side jobs.  Luckily, the day care is flexible with us and we can bring him any day (sure, they would like it to be consistent, but they seem to be very flexible if it's not -- and I would know because I already switched up his "day" for Week 2)
• Come the end of December, it will give me a day of alone time with the baby and Rudy a chance to get out of the house -- considering he loves being on the go now, I imagine (or I hope) he will be happy with a day away from his mom and sister doing fun things.  

Negatives:

• What happens when he cries when I leave? (I've cried all 3 times I have gone to the day care)
• What happens if he doesn't stop crying?
• What if he doesn't like what's for lunch and he's hungry?
• What if my poor baby gets sick?
• What if another kid is mean to him?
• What if Rudy is the mean kid?  (I would like to note...the two different days I took Rudy in to see his classroom, he wanted down immediately and cried when we had to leave.  Granted I was right there, but he was having lots of fun)
• What if he doesn't understand why he can't have this, eat that, go here or there, and is upset and crying the whole time?
• What happens when he doesn't take a nap like he's supposed to?
• Since he's only one day a week, is it going to take forever for him to get "acclimated" and be sad/unhappy one day a week for who knows how long?!

Clearly, on paper, the positives are more legit and the negatives are me being an overprotective, anal, overbearing mom.  And it's only ONE day!  ...also, they said I could call as many times as I wanted, or stop by whenever I wanted (to visit or just to peek in)...you can bet they will be hearing from me!!

I also keep reminding myself that if I don't like it and the negatives end up outweighing the positives, we have options.  We can try something else or we can go back to the routine as it was before.

The results:

Day One

Awful, horrible, no good very bad day.  I was in tears, real crying tears, not just the tears that stream down your face.  I HATED leaving him.  Of course he was playing and distracted when I left, even pushed me off when I tried to kiss him good-bye.  But when I went around to the viewing window, he was whining and reaching for the door handle.  Broke my heart.  I called around 9:30 to check on him and he was "ok" - they said he was crying off and on but that he was fine.  Then I called again about 1:30.  He was still "just ok" - still having his spurts of crying but he was playing the whole time, he would just whine/cry and play.  He slept for about 30 minutes and did eat.  So at least that was good.

It was killing me not being able to go "rescue" him.  I could not wait until 5:00 -- literally, I couldn't.  I had to leave work 30 minutes early.  I think it was worse than my first day back at work.  At least then I knew he was with John or Grandma.

He burst into tears when I walked in the door and came running to me.  He snuggled up on my shoulder and stopped crying but still had the hiccup cries - I don't know how best to describe them.  The teachers both said he did really well for a first day.  He found a big stuffed bear that he kept snuggling with and dragging around.  Poor baby.

Happy once we were settled in the car!  But look at those red, puffy, crying eyes :(

Rudy's Report

And, go figure, he now has a cold/fever that we have been fighting since Friday.  Granted, we did have a crazy Thursday on through the weekend and spent time in places full of germs (airports, etc) so I can't completely blame daycare for that, but still.

Not to mention, he has been COMPLETELY attached to John and I since.  I think he's terrified we will leave him again.

He goes back tomorrow for Day 2.  John is going to drop him off because I can't handle it again.  I have a feeling tomorrow will be worse because he will understand what is going on (i.e. Dad is going to leave).  I told John I'm not convinced this is "right" for him anymore.  But maybe that's normal and we both need to adjust.  John is going to see how he feels when he drops off tomorrow and we will decide from there.  But, ugh, I am dreading tomorrow!!